Story!
‘I smiled at you because I thought that you
Were someone else; you smiled back; and there
grewBetween two strangers in a librarySomething that seemed like love; but you loved
me(If that’s the word) because you thought that IWas other than I was. And by and byWe found we’d been mistaken all the whileFrom that first glance, that mistaken
smile.’
Mistaken, Vikram Seth.
Riya told me once that
when you love someone, you’ll do anything and everything for them, whatever the
personal cost. That’s how it is. That’s how love is. There’s right even in the
wrong. And there’s comfort even in the hurt. She said love can only be given,
it’s selfless, and it cannot be sought.
I laughed and she was anxious to know what was funny in that. I told her
that everybody knows that love can only be given and yet we long to be loved,
such an irony. She looked at me, the way she always did when she said something
and I contradicted it, the usual thoughtful glance.
I know the reason, she
had said. This longing, it is the empty loneliness within. And at certain
points in life we feel only a particular person can fill it up. That’s just a
lie we tell ourselves. Anyone can do that.
I should have told her
that it’s not so. The vacuum left behind by a loved one cannot be filled by
others. Time heals the pain but the scars remain. We both were young then, crazy college
students, anxious, curious and jostling around corners and discovering our
sexualities. Love and sex are two things and we often confuse them, but that’s
the essence of the youthful exuberance. Life would be so boring if not for all
the risks, mistakes and experiences….
I
woke up to the low, pleasant chirping sound of sparrows at the bedroom window.
The sparrow couple whined for a while on the iron bars of window gallery before
they flew away. I looked at her. She lay on her stomach, with her naked leg
stretched out upon me and her right hand over my chest. I yawned lazily and sat
upright, gently putting her leg and hand away.
She was fast asleep and don’t know why I just felt at peace looking at
her. I leaned in ahead, almost instinctively, and tenderly placed a kiss on her
cheek.
“Hey,”
she murmured beneath her breath, pushing my face playfully. I smiled to myself
and stared at her for long seconds. She rubbed her eyes like a five year old,
yawned, and shifted her positions before she finally looked at me. I peered
deeply in her raven black eyes. I was spell-bounded, thoroughly mesmerized by a
warm and delightful feeling that flooded my heart. I loved every bit of those
auspicious moments; they had a magic touch with them.
“Only
if I could do this forever,” I still held her gaze as she smiled lopsidedly. I
stroked her hair softly; she was my baby, my world.
“You’ll
never stop being a romantic moron,” she winked with a devilish grin, “will
you?”
I
leaned in, holding her face in my palms, just a couple of centimeters away,
“Should I?”
She gestured a no, rubbing her nose to mine.
“You
know, you are a cute romantic bastard.”
“Really…?”
I bit her right ear lobe and at that very moment she punched a pillow in my
face, pushing me away.
“And
a loveable lusty scoundrel…” I dodged another pillow shot before I
strategically jammed a pillow at her, putting her down in bed. Then out of the
blues, like a thunder bolt she pulled a blanket over me, taking me completely
off-guards and then there was a shower of pillows from all possible direction.
I
pulled a blanket over us as she pushed me down in the bed, getting over me.
“Cheater…”
“Look,
the kid is crying now.” She made a face with her tongue out. I grabbed her and
pulled her down. In the dark blanket her face seemed like crescent moon at twilight.
Her raven black eyes, had an unspoken rather a vehement appeal. Her face was
just above mine; her hair fell upon my face as I felt her body pressing against
mine. There was a strange feeling, my hearts beats were getting intense. I
could hear heart beats too.
“We
are in a fairy land, just you and me,” She whispered softly, “This is our
world.”
“And
I want this to last forever.” I dashed my forehead against hers mischievously.
She hugged me tightly and at that moment I realized she was weeping.
“Hey,”
I felt the moisture of her tears on my cheeks as her face gently brushed
against mine.
“Why?”
I
didn’t answer her. I put her down. We both rested our heads on the pillow with
a blanket over us and just stared at each other for a while. Her deep set black
eyes were glistening with tears. I looked away for a moment. Everything seemed
like a mirage. I somehow wanted to make her feel comfortable; I wanted to run
away to a place where there wouldn’t be any sorrow. I just wanted to shut the
world around. There was a chaos erupting within.
“Don’t
worry,” I held her closer “we’ll make it through.”
“Would
we?”
I
took her hand, placed her palm on my chest as our gaze met, “The world my take
away everything I have but you reside in here,” I pressed her palm gently on my
chest, “You are a part of me, no one can take you away. No one else ever can
make me feel the way you made me feel…I don’t know is it right or wrong… All
that I can say is that it’s wonderful, this love that we share, it’s a good
thing… and good things never die.”
She
gave a wan smile. I wiped a tear rolling down her cheek and hugged her.
“We
will surely meet again someday…Someday when you’ll be a published author.
Someday when I’ll read about you in the news paper….promise me you’ll marry a
good girl who’ll take care of an idiot like you…” Her voice almost trailed off
in a fit of sobs, “promise me we’ll meet again.”
“I
promise,” I played with her hair that flicked upon her eyes, “And then we’ll
have a sizzling extramarital affair…. What do you say?”
“Fucker…”
She chuckled and pushed me away. My world bloomed with happiness as I saw a
broad smile lit upon her face.
“Naughty
America: The cheating wife, my wife’s hot friend… Kya bolti hai? Huh”
“Porn
freak!”
“Tonight’s
girlfriend will be more appropriate na?” And with that she slammed the pillow
in my head.
The sky is crowded with
grey clouds. It will rain heavily today. I sit at the balcony, submerged in my
lonely self. Times have changed now. The world has moved leaps and bounds. Riya
got married and moved to Delhi. I don’t know whether she loves me or not.
Perhaps she did. Perhaps she didn’t. But we were two strangers, on two
different paths but I’m glad our paths converged at least for a brief moment.
There was no regret. I believe that’s what’s more important: to live a regret
free life. Riya is a fading memory, another reason to smile. It’s hard to
believe that she’s gone. But at the end we are humans, we ought to change with
time, we ought to adapt. That’s what we are made for. I think I’ll adapt too.
But will I be able
forget her? Can we ever forget our true love?
Onkar Surve
Mulund, Mumbai
© Unity Media Network
2014
